Dan Kuiper
  • Home
    • Blog/Vlog
    • Memes to Share
    • Contact
  • About Dan
    • Interviews
    • Video Favorites
    • Kuiper's Corner
  • Resources
  • Speaking
    • Finding Father's Love Events
    • Feedback
    • Topics
    • Speaker Request Form
    • Schedule
  • Coaching
  • Donate

The Safest Place We Could Ever Be

1/14/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
How I longed for closeness. I wanted nothing more than to simply be held in his arms and feel any tenderness he had for me. I needed to know that I was important to him; that he cared for me. But at a very early age I discovered the stark and indisputable truth that alcoholism and intimacy are incompatible.

My dad always drank. But when I was very young his drinking became unmanageable. I can still recall in disturbingly vivid detail my dad's drunken rages. The threats. The put-downs. The shaming. The blaming.

I am astounded at the power that flashbacks hold. All these years later, a simple dislodged memory can make me want to run and hide. 

But, just as remembering Dad's angry outbursts continues to trigger fear in me, recalling my hiding places still brings a strange sense of peace to my soul. Under my bed. In my bed, under the covers. M
y bedroom closet. The trunk of our blue Plymouth. When I was real little I would crawl into the doghouse and huddle in the straw with our Fox Terrier, Max.
  
As I shared these twenty-plus-year-old memories in my counselor's office, he tenderly brought me back to what it was that I needed as a frightened little boy. I stated again my deepest desire: I wanted a close, intimate relationship with my father.

With that goal in mind, my counselor suggested a seemingly easy remedy. Yet I found his prescription hard to swallow. Knowing I might never experience what I needed from my earthly father he said, “Sounds to me like you need to crawl up in your Heavenly Father’s lap and let Him love you.”

Just picturing that scene caused tears to stream down my cheeks. How I hungered for a father's love. How I craved the calm assurance that I was loved. How I need to find solace and safety in my dad's arms.

I knew it was a place I needed to go if I was ever to find healing for my soul. So I planned regular times when I would go off alone with God in hopes of finding what I was looking for.

I discovered that building intimacy is a process. At first, my alone time with my Heavenly Father was best depicted as me standing near Him (at a comfortably safe distance), hands in my pockets, making small talk. I had learned to be apprehensive around fathers. But as my spiritual journey continued I began to explore God's Word to found out more about Him. And the more I understood His true nature, the more I trusted Him. The more I trusted Him, the closer I drew to His side. Then one day, I found myself in His lap, basking in His tender embrace. I can't remember ever feeling that safe before.

I have come to know my Heavenly Father as He is described in Scripture. As my Hiding Place. My Refuge. My Protector. A Father who never misses an opportunity to show His kids just how much He loves them. In His lap I have found the intimacy I was searching for; intimacy that God meant for children to have with their fathers. What a gift.

God also gave my dad and our family a gift. The gift of sobriety. The last several years of my dad's life were alcohol-free. I'm eternally grateful that God brought about a degree of reconciliation between me and my dad. Although it didn't erase the painful memories, we made amends. 

In 1997, my dad passed away. As my siblings and I went through the difficult process of divvying up my parents' belongings I came across an unexpected treasure tucked away in a dresser drawer. It was a picture I had never seen before. Yet another image that triggered tears. It was a photo of me, on my first birthday, pre-addiction, sitting in my father's lap.

That picture is framed and displayed on a shelf in my office. It is my constant reminder that, even though alcoholism gave a very different message, my father loved me. And even if I had never experienced the love of an earthly father--a dilemma that far too many people in our world face--we can find safety in relationship with a Father who wants nothing more than to be close to His kids. In His lap is the safest place we could ever be. 

2 Comments
Mary Buys
1/14/2016 06:34:23 pm

I love how you came across this photo years later! God's little surprise gift to you! God never ceases to amaze me how He works EVERYTHING out in time to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Reply
Linda
1/15/2016 03:54:57 pm

"I discovered that building intimacy is a process. At first, my alone time with my Heavenly Father was best depicted as me standing near Him (at a comfortably safe distance), hands in my pockets, making small talk. I had learned to be apprehensive around fathers."
WOW........that's so well pictured......I can see it.........

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Free eBook!

    Join My Mailing List
    For Email Marketing you can trust.
    Picture
    Sign up above to receive my blog posts via email and get a free copy of my ebook, 5 Steps Toward Trusting God.
    Privacy Guarantee: Your email will not be shared with anyone else.
    Picture

    Archives

    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    December 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013

    Categories

    All
    12-step Group
    12-step Groups
    12 Steps
    A.A.
    Abandonment
    Abuse
    Acceptance
    Addiction
    Adversity
    Affirmation
    Alcoholics Anonymous
    Alcoholism
    Anger
    Approval
    Baggage
    Behavior
    Bible
    Bitterness
    Blessing
    Bondage
    Boundaries
    Brokenness
    Burdens
    Busyness
    Celebration
    Change
    Childhood
    Children
    Choices
    Christian
    Christianity
    Christians
    Christmas
    Church
    Codependence
    Commitment
    Compassion
    Confession
    Confidence
    Control
    Courage
    Criticism
    Dad
    Death
    Debt
    Dependence
    Depression
    Direction
    Discouragement
    Discrimination
    Divorce
    Drugs
    Dysfunction
    Emotions
    Encouragement
    Epitaph
    Eternal Life
    Eternity
    Failure
    Faith
    Faithfulness
    Family
    Father
    Fatherlessness
    Fathers
    Father's Love
    Father Wound
    Father Wounds
    Fear
    Feelings
    Fishers Of Men
    Forgiveness
    Freedom
    Friend
    Friends
    Frustration
    Gang
    Goals
    God
    God's Love
    God's Plan
    Good Works
    Grace
    Gratefulness
    Grief
    Guilt
    Happiness
    Healing
    Heavenly Father
    Honesty
    Hope
    Hopeless
    Hopelessness
    Humility
    Hypocrite
    Inspirational
    Integrity
    Intimacy
    Jesus
    Joy
    Knowledge
    Light
    Listening
    Loss
    Love
    Marriage
    Miscarriage
    Mission
    Mission Statement
    Motivation
    Overcome
    Parenting
    Past
    Peace
    Perfectionism
    Personality
    Politics
    Prayer
    Pretending
    Prevention
    Pride
    Prison
    Problems
    Protect
    Purpose
    Recovery
    Redwoods
    Relapse
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Responsibility
    Rest
    Restore
    Role Model
    Safe
    Safety
    Savior
    Security
    Self-care
    Self-confidence
    Self-esteem
    Self-help
    Self-worth
    Serenity
    Sex
    Sexual Abuse
    Shame
    Sin
    Sobriety
    Solitude
    Sorrow
    Spirituality
    Strength
    Strengths
    Stress
    Submission
    Substance Abuse
    Success
    Suffering
    Support
    Surrender
    Tears
    Teen Pregnancy
    Thanksgiving
    Tinnitus
    Touch
    Transformation
    Trauma
    Trials
    Trust
    Truth
    Value
    Willpower
    Words
    Worry

    Helpful Sites

    National Center For 
    Fathering


    Focus on the Family

    The Crucible Project

    FamilyLife

    Minirth Clinic 

    New Leaf Resources

    Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

    Find a Christian Counselor 

    FamilyFire

    Minirth Clinic 

    New Leaf Resources

    Find a Christian Counselor 

    Center for Marriage and Family Therapy

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
Photos used under Creative Commons from MizGingerSnaps, uzi978, vhines200, Daquella manera, seanmcgrath, Tony Webster, Thragor, maiallen, AllieKF, aaron_anderer, theilr, Lordcolus, bobchin1941, Disney | ABC Television Group, AK Rockefeller, wbaiv, dan taylor, SuperFantastic, Neal., Pink Sherbet Photography, denise carbonell, psflannery, DonkeyHotey, Nick.Baumgartner91, Hello Turkey Toe, faceleg, keepitsurreal, eek the cat, simpleinsomnia, sun dazed, oranges.lemons, John Englart (Takver), tlindenbaum, garryknight, Patrick Hoesly, Ricymar Photography (Thanks to all the fans!!!!), Furryscaly, bradleypjohnson, woodleywonderworks, gwegner.de, KristinNador, steve p2008, DeeAshley