Dan Kuiper
  • Home
    • Blog/Vlog
    • Memes to Share
    • Contact
  • About Dan
    • Interviews
    • Video Favorites
    • Kuiper's Corner
  • Resources
  • Speaking
    • Finding Father's Love Events
    • Feedback
    • Topics
    • Speaker Request Form
    • Schedule
  • Coaching
  • Donate

Stop Carrying That On Your Shoulders!

8/31/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
We all have problems in our lives. Every one of us. Even those who are always "fine" have problems. At the top of their list is denial.

We all have problems because we are all affected by sin in the world. No one is exempt. As a result, we all have "stuff" that we carry.
  • Worry.
  • Fear.
  • Anger.
  • Addiction.
  • Health concerns.
  • Financial concerns.
  • Conflict with others.
  • Conflict with ourselves.

Codependents have it even worse. They carry not only their stuff, they carry everyone else's.

We weren't meant to trudge through life bearing the weight of our problems. We have a God who has offered to take that load off our shoulders. Listen to the offer Jesus Himself makes to us: Come to me,
 all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matt. 11:28)

We have been invited to lay our burdens down at the foot of the cross. The Greek word used for "burden" is translated, 
the troubles of this life. 

To lay our troubles down at the cross is a conscious choice. It is an act of surrender--we are giving up the notion that we can handle them on our own. It is an act of faith--we are trusting that God can handle them. But laying our problems at the foot of the cross is also an act of worship. For when we look up we will see that the cross is empty. Jesus is no longer there. He conquered sin and death. The empty cross stands as as a symbol that we, too, can overcome. The same power that freed Jesus at the cross is available there to free us.

Jesus' triumph at the cross not only gives us life, but abundant, victorious, everlasting life; life to the full (Jn. 10:10). Nothing can make our lives more full than an empty cross.
0 Comments

Discover the Secret to Serenity

8/24/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Have you heard of the atheist support group that took out of the 12-Steps all references to God and a Higher Power? Of course you haven't. That's because it doesn't work. Hope and healing can only be found in relationship with God.

Serenity, unmistakably, has God's name written all over it. Calm and peace at a soul-level, particularly when we find ourselves in the midst of a storm, cannot be experienced apart from Him.

Jesus once said, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:27, NIV).

So what kind of peace does the world give? The world offers "peace" in the form of music and medication, prosperity and powder, vacations and vials, recreation and recyclable bottles. In other words, peace that will eventually wear off. God's peace is quite different. The peace our Heavenly Father offers His children will last forever. 

God points out to us in His Word that His peace is so other-worldy that we mortals can't begin to comprehend it. In the book of Philippians we read that the kind of peace we receive from the Heavenly Father transcends all understanding.  

That same text goes on to say that the Heavenly Father's peace will guard our hearts and our minds (Phil. 4:7, NIV). Picture that. The Heavenly Father's peace stands guard over our being, warding off all forces that would threaten our sense of serenity. The Heavenly Father's peace is resistant to attack--whether we are endangered by circumstances out of our control, the words and actions of others, or false messages we give ourselves. The world doesn't give peace like that.

No matter how intense the storms of life, there is no need for our hearts to be troubled. There is no reason to be afraid. Lasting peace is found in relationship with our Heavenly Father. It is the serenity we receive from Him that will enable us to accept what we can't understand. It is the courage that He gives that empowers us to change the things we can. It is the wisdom that our Heavenly Father lovingly gives to His kids that equips us to know the difference.
0 Comments

I Wonder What I Could Have Done Differently...

8/16/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
This is a guest post written last year by my daughter. God has since blessed Traci and her husband with a beautiful baby girl. Not everyone who experiences the devastation of miscarriage is so blessed. But God's faithfulness remains. He has promised to "heal the brokenhearted and (bandage) their wounds." (Ps. 147:3, NLT)

Stare. It’s what I do when I’ve sobbed every tear I can muster. I’m too exhausted to cry and too worked up to sleep. So I stare. And I wonder what I could have done differently, what I should have done differently. I wonder if there’s something wrong with me, and then worry that it will happen again. That’s when panic strikes and I can’t breathe. I can’t let my mind go there. I can’t think about the possibility of losing another baby. I’ve already lost two in the last six months.

Miscarriage. I have a hard time saying it out loud. Typing seems easier because there’s no one here to give me pitying glances. So here I am. Typing about my loss because I need to talk about it, but I can’t in real life yet.

We found out just before Thanksgiving that we were going to have our first baby. It seemed fitting at the time to celebrate a pregnancy in a season of thankfulness. That’s how we felt. Thankful. We wanted to start a family. I have several friends who struggle with infertility, so I know it’s quite common for pregnancy to take a long time. But it didn’t for us. We got pregnant right away. For that, we felt thankful.

We told our families at Christmas. This was going to be Eric’s parents’ first grandchild and my parents’ third. There was much celebrating and talks of baby names and baby showers. The family was already making plans to visit at the end of July after the baby was born. There was morning sickness, headaches, and very small bump beginning to form. It was all starting to feel very real. We were going to be parents.

It was the next week that I had the ultrasound. The tech was silent as she maneuvered the device and took pictures. She didn’t even look at us. I could already see on the screen that there was nothing there. We were ushered into the waiting room, then into an examination room where we waited for over an over for a doctor to confirm what we already knew: there was no baby.

I’d had what’s called a blighted ovum. The embryo implants in the uterus but never becomes a fetus. By that time, the body is already in pregnancy-mode and continues to produce pregnancy symptoms. It’s sometimes called a “missed miscarriage” because women typically don’t have symptoms of miscarriage until long after the baby has passed. That’s exactly what happened to me. I had no reason to believe there was anything wrong with my pregnancy. That is, until the silent ultrasound. I was thirteen weeks at that point and fourteen weeks when I finally had to get a D&C.

Eric and I decided we’d try again after his training in April. That would give us time to grieve and give my body time to heal. My sister in law asked if I felt ready emotionally. I told her I didn’t think I’d ever feel ready emotionally. Getting pregnant again doesn’t undo the pain of losing a child. I knew I’d be more scared, more cautious, more anxious the second time around. But I also knew we were ready to be parents.

Again, we got pregnant right away. We were so excited and so relieved, but we didn’t want to get our hopes up. It was still very early. We decided not to tell any family until after I’d been to the doctor and had an ultrasound.

I had blood work done on Saturday and again on Monday. When you’re pregnant, your hormone levels double or triple every couple of days. My levels dropped 75%. I have a doctor appointment today at one, but I already know what he’s going to tell me. I’ve lost another child.

He’ll probably tell me it’s not my fault, that I’m perfectly healthy and there’s nothing I could have done differently. But I won’t believe him because this has happened twice now. It’s happened twice and I can’t accept him telling me that everything is okay, that I’m okay. Because I’m not.

The pain is fresh and washes over me, leaving me gasping for air and grasping at hope that appears just out of reach. It comes in waves that I never see coming. Sometimes it’s a song or a sermon. Sometimes it’s a baby or a pregnant belly. Sometimes it’s my husband. I look at him and know he will be the best dad in the world. He has a big smile and an even bigger heart. He is filled with such love, kindness, patience and an affinity for Legos. He should get to be a dad. He’s meant to be a dad.

I know God is here, but I’m not ready to pray just yet. My only question is “Why?” and there is no answer. So I cry until I can’t cry anymore and trust that God is crying with me. He’ll be there when I’m ready to talk.

I know there are thousands of women who have been in my shoes. Honestly, that doesn’t make me feel any less alone. It doesn’t make my heart ache less or calm the knots in my stomach. It doesn’t help me sleep better or cry less or hope more. This is my grief and I don’t know what to do with it.

So I stare.

And I wonder when it is I’ll breathe again.

Pray for me. Pray for others who can’t pray for themselves just yet.
0 Comments

The 10 Worst Responses to Someone Who is Hurting

8/10/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
An open letter from a wounded soul.
 
Sometimes I struggle in this journey called life. There are times when I am afraid or angry. Times when I am doubtful or depressed. And then there are those times when I have so many feelings clamoring for attention that I can’t even name them. And in those times what I need most is for someone to simply listen to me. I am often left disappointed. And even more alone. If, indeed, listening is an art, I am convinced it is a lost art.
 
So allow me to offer this challenge: Listen. Just listen.

  1. I don't need to know what you would do if you were me.
  2. I don't need you to remind me that other people are much worse off than I am.
  3. I don't need you to quote Scripture to me.
  4. I don't need you to tell me not to be so sensitive.
  5. I don't need you to invite me to your church or Bible study.
  6. I don't need you to tell me I shouldn't feel that way.
  7. I don't need you to remind me that God is good all the time.
  8. I don't need you to judge me.
  9. I don't need you to blow me off with an, I'll pray for you.
  10. I don't need you to tell me to just get over it, to put it behind me, or to pick (my)self up by the bootstraps.

I just want you to listen.
  
You may not know it, but when you listen to me--truly listen--you give me value. You make me feel that I matter; that I am deserving of your full attention; that I am worthy of your time. When you listen, you not only hear my pain you enter into it. I not only feel understood, I feel accepted. And I don't feel so alone.

So when I’m hurting please remember, I’m not looking for solutions, strategies, or spiritual soundbites. I simply need someone to listen. That is where I will find the strength, courage, and healing to go on.  

0 Comments

Where to Find the One Thing We All Desire

8/2/2016

1 Comment

 
Picture
Have you heard of the atheist support group that took out of the 12-Steps all references to God and a Higher Power? Of course you haven't. That's because it doesn't work. The peace that offers true healing can only be found in relationship with God.

Serenity, unmistakably, has God's name written all over it. Calm and peace at a soul-level, particularly when we find ourselves in the midst of a storm, cannot be experienced apart from Him.

Jesus once said, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (Jn. 14:27, NIV).

We are all too familiar with the kind of peace the world gives. The world offers "peace" in the form of prescription bottles and porn, money and meditation, six-packs and sex. In other words, peace that is only temporary. 

The peace God offers us is different. In stark contrast to the peace we find at the corner drug store, God's peace is lasting peace; it won't wear off by the next morning. The peace God provides doesn't just calm our nerves, but our soul.  

In His Word, our Heavenly Father points out that the peace He gives His children is so otherworldy that we mortals can't begin to comprehend it. He refers to the peace He offers as a peace that "transcends all understanding."  

That same text goes on to say that the Heavenly Father's peace "will guard our hearts and our minds" (Phil. 4:7, NIV). No peace this world can offer can make that claim. Worldly peace erodes our hearts and minds. It promises something it can't deliver. It offers the illusion of fulfillment but leaves us feeling more empty.

But God's peace stands guard over our being, warding off all forces that would threaten our sense of serenity. The peace He offers is resistant to attack--whether we are endangered by the words and actions of others, the false messages we give ourselves, or the reality of our own powerlessness. The world does not and cannot give peace like that.

The promise to those who accept God's peace offering is clear: No matter how out-of-control our lives are, there is no need for our hearts to be troubled. There is no reason for our minds to be consumed by fear. God's peace is standing guard.

God's peace offers us the serenity we all desire. It enables us to accept what we can't understand. It empowers us to change the things we can. It equips us to know the difference.
1 Comment

    Free eBook!

    Join My Mailing List
    For Email Marketing you can trust.
    Picture
    Sign up above to receive my blog posts via email and get a free copy of my ebook, 5 Steps Toward Trusting God.
    Privacy Guarantee: Your email will not be shared with anyone else.
    Picture

    Archives

    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    December 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013

    Categories

    All
    12-step Group
    12-step Groups
    12 Steps
    A.A.
    Abandonment
    Abuse
    Acceptance
    Addiction
    Adversity
    Affirmation
    Alcoholics Anonymous
    Alcoholism
    Anger
    Approval
    Baggage
    Behavior
    Bible
    Bitterness
    Blessing
    Bondage
    Boundaries
    Brokenness
    Burdens
    Busyness
    Celebration
    Change
    Childhood
    Children
    Choices
    Christian
    Christianity
    Christians
    Christmas
    Church
    Codependence
    Commitment
    Compassion
    Confession
    Confidence
    Control
    Courage
    Criticism
    Dad
    Death
    Debt
    Dependence
    Depression
    Direction
    Discouragement
    Discrimination
    Divorce
    Drugs
    Dysfunction
    Emotions
    Encouragement
    Epitaph
    Eternal Life
    Eternity
    Failure
    Faith
    Faithfulness
    Family
    Father
    Fatherlessness
    Fathers
    Father's Love
    Father Wound
    Father Wounds
    Fear
    Feelings
    Fishers Of Men
    Forgiveness
    Freedom
    Friend
    Friends
    Frustration
    Gang
    Goals
    God
    God's Love
    God's Plan
    Good Works
    Grace
    Gratefulness
    Grief
    Guilt
    Happiness
    Healing
    Heavenly Father
    Honesty
    Hope
    Hopeless
    Hopelessness
    Humility
    Hypocrite
    Inspirational
    Integrity
    Intimacy
    Jesus
    Joy
    Knowledge
    Light
    Listening
    Loss
    Love
    Marriage
    Miscarriage
    Mission
    Mission Statement
    Motivation
    Overcome
    Parenting
    Past
    Peace
    Perfectionism
    Personality
    Politics
    Prayer
    Pretending
    Prevention
    Pride
    Prison
    Problems
    Protect
    Purpose
    Recovery
    Redwoods
    Relapse
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Responsibility
    Rest
    Restore
    Role Model
    Safe
    Safety
    Savior
    Security
    Self-care
    Self-confidence
    Self-esteem
    Self-help
    Self-worth
    Serenity
    Sex
    Sexual Abuse
    Shame
    Sin
    Sobriety
    Solitude
    Sorrow
    Spirituality
    Strength
    Strengths
    Stress
    Submission
    Substance Abuse
    Success
    Suffering
    Support
    Surrender
    Tears
    Teen Pregnancy
    Thanksgiving
    Tinnitus
    Touch
    Transformation
    Trauma
    Trials
    Trust
    Truth
    Value
    Willpower
    Words
    Worry

    Helpful Sites

    National Center For 
    Fathering


    Focus on the Family

    The Crucible Project

    FamilyLife

    Minirth Clinic 

    New Leaf Resources

    Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

    Find a Christian Counselor 

    FamilyFire

    Minirth Clinic 

    New Leaf Resources

    Find a Christian Counselor 

    Center for Marriage and Family Therapy

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
Photos used under Creative Commons from MizGingerSnaps, uzi978, vhines200, Daquella manera, seanmcgrath, Tony Webster, Thragor, maiallen, AllieKF, aaron_anderer, theilr, Lordcolus, bobchin1941, Disney | ABC Television Group, AK Rockefeller, wbaiv, dan taylor, SuperFantastic, Neal., Pink Sherbet Photography, denise carbonell, psflannery, DonkeyHotey, Nick.Baumgartner91, Hello Turkey Toe, faceleg, keepitsurreal, eek the cat, simpleinsomnia, sun dazed, oranges.lemons, John Englart (Takver), tlindenbaum, garryknight, Patrick Hoesly, Ricymar Photography (Thanks to all the fans!!!!), Furryscaly, bradleypjohnson, woodleywonderworks, gwegner.de, KristinNador, steve p2008, DeeAshley