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Christmas Tears

12/19/2017

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I remember feeling my heart sink when I saw him come through the door. My wife and I were at a Christmas gathering at our church. My brother spotted me and made his way to our table. He didn’t have to say anything. I knew what had happened by the look on his face. My fears were confirmed with just two words: “He’s gone.”
 
That December 19th, 20 years ago today, made it a Christmas season very different from any I had ever experienced.
 
Dad had gone into the hospital that year shortly after Thanksgiving. The doctors soon concluded that his heart would not withstand bypass surgery. There were no other options. The goal now was to build up his strength enough so he could come home for what was to be his last Christmas.
 
Just as Jan and I were about to leave for our Christmas party Dad called to see how things were going with us. That was Dad. Literally on his death bed but asking how we and the kids were doing. As the conversation was ending he asked, “When am I supposed to come home again?” Jan answered, “Christmas Eve.” Dad asked, “How many days is that?” Jan told him, “Five.”
 
Dad’s response was peculiar. He said matter-of-factly, “I’m not going to make that.” Jan assured him that if he wanted to the doctors would certainly allow him to come home early. She told him we could come right then to pick him up. Not surprisingly, he declined the offer. Dad never wanted people making a fuss over him. He responded, “No, we’ll see how tonight goes.”  
 
A nurse later reported that, according to Dad’s roommate, he was “on the phone with someone, hung up, and died.” Turns out Dad was calling to say goodbye.
 
Most people who are close to me or have heard me speak or have read my writings know that due to my father’s drinking problem we a rather tumultuous relationship. Throughout my childhood I knew my dad as a verbally abusive alcoholic. The name of my ministry--Finding Father’s Love—suggests what my heart yearned for. The very title of my first book--When Father is a Bad Word—offers a glimpse into what my relationship with my father had been like.
 
Through the years I have shared many personal and painful stories about how my dad’s drinking affected me and my family. I have described my father to literally thousands of people with adjectives like violent, scary, mean, and shaming. One would think that news of his passing would trigger feelings of anger, hopelessness, and deep regret. Instead, I found myself overflowing with gratitude.
 
Many people know about the drinking problem my dad had when I was a boy. What they may not know is that my dad overcame his addiction when I was an adult. In what could rightfully be termed a miracle, my dad quit drinking. That in itself is not miraculous. People overcome addictive behaviors every day. It’s how my dad did it. You see, he did it with no visible help. He didn’t seek support from AA. He didn’t go to a counselor for direction. He didn’t rely on a sponsor for support. He just quit.
 
When our pastor got wind of the news he stopped by for a visit. “John,” he said, “I understand you quit drinking.”
 
“That’s right,” Dad said.
 
“I also understand that you’re not going anywhere for help.”
 
“That’s right,” Dad said.
 
“Well,” the pastor replied, “if you’re able to quit without help you’ll be the first person I’ve ever seen do it.”
 
Dad’s response took him aback. He grinned and said, “Then I’ll be the first.”
 
My dad never drank again. Turns out God’s help was the only help he needed. I don’t often speak of this because I don’t want to hold up Dad's story as the norm. For the vast majority of alcoholics, quitting drinking is just the first step. Then they must assemble and rely on a support network to help them maintain sobriety. For many, staying sober is an everyday, lifelong battle. My dad, virtually overnight, was transformed from the raging drunk I feared as a child to the kind and gentle man I was privileged to come to know and love as an adult.  
 
There were many tears during that Christmas season 20 years ago. But intermingled with my tears of sadness were tears of profound gratitude.
  • I was grateful for the answer to thousands of prayers uttered in desperation by me and my family on my father's behalf.
  • I was grateful for the years of sobriety that God had granted Dad at the end of his life.
  • I was grateful that mom didn't break her wedding vows and kept our family together when it would have been easier to bail.
  • I was grateful that my wife and children never witnessed that side of my dad.
  • I was grateful to get to know my father for who he really was—a good man who happened to have a bad problem.     
 
While I struggled to sing Joy to the World on that Christmas after losing my dad, there were many other familiar carols that took on new meaning for me that year. Some still bring tears. But there are no longer tears of sadness. Only tears of gratitude.

​Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
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The Christmas Character We Don't Like to Talk About

12/20/2016

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His character is conspicuously absent in virtually every children's Christmas program. His figurine is not included in traditional nativity sets. Carols don't even make mention of him. Yet he is a central character in the Christmas story. In fact, without him there is no Christmas story.

We all know the hero in the story of Christmas: Jesus, the Son of God come to earth. But without a villain there can be no hero. We need to recognize the archenemy in the narrative of Christmas. His name is Satan, a.k.a. Beelzebub, the Devil, the Prince of Darkness, the Evil One.

We do ourselves a great disservice by ignoring the Enemy's role in the story of Jesus coming to earth. As captivating as the feel-good storyline is, what with the virgin birth, the Messiah in a feeding trough, and a sky full of angels, when we don't recognize the villain, the story of Christmas loses all dramatic impact. It's like Peter Pan without Captain Hook. The Wizard of Oz without the Wicked Witch of the West. Die Hard without Hans Gruber. Moby Dick without, well, Moby Dick.

Yes, it's true. God sent His Son to the world in the form of a baby to save us from our sins, to restore us to right relationship with Him. But we will never grasp the significance of God's generous gift to us until we identify the villain in the story and give him his due. 

We have a powerful enemy. We cannot ignore that. And he has but one objective--to keep us as far away from God as possible. He knows what God and us together can do. So he works long and hard to separate us from God, to keep us stuck in our sinful thoughts, behaviors, and addictions. He is cunning and smart. He knows everything about us--our weaknesses, our vulnerabilities, our blind spots. And that is precisely where he attacks.

The Bible warns us of the enemy's presence and offers this stern warning: Stay sober, stay alert! Your enemy, the Adversary, stalks about like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Pet. 5:8, CJB). What a terrifying and precise word picture. We must never forget that the Devil is always on the prowl, waiting to pounce when we least suspect it; seeking to rip from our grasp God's gracious gifts of love, joy, hope, and peace and force on us his onerous offerings of fear, shame, discontent, and hate, of which he has an endless supply.

Jesus was born to set us free, to release us from our sins and fears. But that is not to say that His coming into the world and into our lives has stopped the Enemy from carrying out his dirty deeds. We will continue to do battle with Satan as long as we are on this earth. Jesus didn't come to take our adversity away. He came to help us get through it and point us to a future life with Him where there will be no trials or troubles. His words recorded in John 16 are both frightening and comforting:  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world (Jn. 16:33, NLT).

We need to recognize the presence of the enemy in the Christmas story and in our lives. But we must also stand firm in the truth that as powerful and persistant as he is, he is no match for Jesus. Our battles with him continue. But, thanks be to God, the war has been won!

Hail, the heaven-born Prince of peace!
Hail the Sun of righteousness!
Light and life to all he brings,
Risen with healing in his wings.
Mild he lays his glory by,
Born that man no more may die,
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth.
Hark! the herald angels sing,
Glory to the newborn King.

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Don't Wait To Open This Gift

12/7/2016

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The story is told of a king who offered an award to the artist whose painting best represented peace. Many artists offered their renditions of peace. The king sifted through all the paintings before selecting the two he liked best.

One depicted a tranquil lake. The water serenly mirrored the surrounding majestic mountains, azure sky, and soft clouds. Those in the king's company who saw it doubted there could be a more perfect picture of peace.

The second painting had mountains, too. But they were jagged and menacing. They were being pelted by a relentless rain. As lightning flashed in the dark clouds hovering above, a thunderous waterfall tumbled to into the murky river below. Those in the king's company could not understand why the painting was not immediately ruled out. In their estimation, it portrayed the exact opposite of peace.

But they did not see in the painting what the king saw. Behind the waterfall was a tiny bush growing in the crevice of a rock. In the bush, surrounded by the rush of angry water, was a mother bird nestled in her nest.

Seeing the two paintings side by side made the king's decision easy. He chose the second one.

Those in his company couldn't hide their shock. "Why?" they blurted out.

The king explained. "Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or turmoil. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."

It is fairly easy to have a sense of peace when life is good; when we and those we love are in good health; when we have gainful employment, financial security; when things are going our way. But when storm clouds gather; when the winds of adversity blow; when we're being pelted by one crisis, disppointment, and rejection after another, our peace can dissipate in an instant.

The peace we find in this world can be fleeting. It is often based on our circumstances. But the peace God offers us is different.

Before Jesus left the earth and ascended into heaven He said, "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid"--Jn. 14:27, NLT.  
 
The peace of God is deep, abiding, calming peace. It stands guard over our minds and hearts even in the midst of life's storms. It nudges us in the most trying times and whispers His promises: I will always love you. I will never leave you. I have a plan to prosper you, to give you hope and a future.

In the book of Ephesians, Paul writes: "For Christ himself has brought peace to us. (2:14, NLT). The angels who announced Jesus' birth said He came to bring "peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased" (Lk. 2:14, NLT).

God sent Jesus down from heaven with a gift bearing your name. It's a gift that cannot be found this side of heaven. If you haven't already, open it. Experience it for yourself. It will change your life.
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The Four Most Powerful Words of the Christmas Story

12/22/2015

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"So tell me about your parents."

Kelly's initial thought in response to the counselor's question was, What does that have to do with anything? Why dredge up the past? What does my childhood have to do with my feeling empty and insecure as an adult?

But out of respect for the process she answered. "Well, after I was born I spent six weeks in the hospital."

The counselor asked, "Where there problems? We're you born prematurely?"

"No," Kelly responded matter-of-factly. "My parents didn't come to get me." 

Kelly went on to confide how her mother didn't want a baby and her father didn't want a girl. In fact, her father split from her mother soon after Kelly was born. Throughout her childhood, Kelly's mother didn't miss many opportunities to blame her daughter for ruining not just her marriage, but her life.

Kelly eventually got out from under her mother's roof. But she never got out from under the cloud of shame formed by years of put-downs and accusations. The pervasive feeling that she had no real value was taking a toll on her relationships with friends, neighbors, and coworkers. Any romantic inclinations she had were quickly dismissed. It's one thing to feel unloved. It's quite another to feel unlovable.  

Over the next several months, with the nurturing guidance of her counselor, Kelly was able to connect the dots between past and present. She finally identified the bitter root of her feelings of emptiness and insecurity. She came to understand that within her 38-year-old body remained an anxious little girl who was desperate to feel safe, to experience love, to know that she mattered.

But the apex of Kelly's journey toward recovery was not reached while sitting in a sterile chair the counselor's earth-toned office during one of her weekly appointments. She found the hope and healing she craved in a wooden pew in the back of a candle-lit sanctuary on a Christmas Eve.

Kelly's quest for lasting change in her life led her to give church another try. She had gone several times through the years, seeking from God the same things she wanted from her parents--to know that she was valued and loved. But, as she experienced with her parents, she continued to come away empty.

But something made this particular church visit different. Now her heart was in a condition to receive love. 

The pastor gave a simple message that evening. He shared how since the beginning of time our Heavenly Father's primary desire has been to be with His children. But sin created a distance between us and God. So our Heavenly Father sent His Son into the world to bridge the gap; to restore us to right relationship with Him.  

Then the pastor uttered four words that spoke to the longing hearts of  both Kelly and the little girl within her: He came for you. 

Kelly's face soon reflected the glow of the candles as tears streamed down her cheeks; her heart felt a warmth she had never before experienced as she balmed herself over and over again with the revelation: He came for me! He came for me!

Those four words have the power to bring hope and healing to every wounded soul. They promise to fill our empty hearts and melt away our insecurities; they calm our fears; they help us to both give and receive the love we all need.

But what's more, those four words prove our worth. He came for us. Why? Because we matter to Him.

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