Since the release of my book When Father is a Bad Word, I have heard from several folks suggesting the title for my sequel. Some readers proposed When Mother is a Bad Word. Others said they would be interested in reading When Boss is a Bad Word. My football fan friends from the Chicago area suggested When Packers is a Bad Word. 

But I must admit I was taken aback at the number of people who have recommended that I write When Christian is a Bad Word. The more I speak about my book and share with others my faith journey, the more people I encounter whose experience with Christians is less than positive. 

The name Christian literally means "Christ one." A Christian, according to Merriam-Webster,  is "one who relates to Jesus Christ and conforms to His teachings." And it doesn't take much bible study to discover that the primary teaching of Jesus teaching was to love.

Yet if we were to do a word association exercise with those outside the church and gave them the word Christian, our ivory towers would be shaken at how few would associate Christian with love. Actual studies have revealed these rather unsettling responses from those outside the church about those inside the church: 

• intolerant
  
• hateful
  
• condemning
  
• self-righteous
  
• rigid 
• judgmental

Pardon me if what I'm about to say sounds judgmental but, fellow Christians, if love is not the first word that springs to mind when others think of us we're doing it wrong. Jesus entrusted us to share His unmerited, unconditional, unrelenting love with the world. Our primary message to others is meant to be good news. For heaven's sake, that's what the word gospel means.

Yet we are seen in our culture as bearers of bad news. We're not known for what we stand for, we're known for what we stand against. Many outside the church don't hear us speak much about the promise of heaven but they've heard us warn incessantly of the threat of hell. 

The  sad truth is, for many people in our world--perhaps even in our block--Christian is a bad word. We are often viewed as those who not only won't accept, but will openly shun those who don't live, believe, dress, and behave as we do.

When I served as a chaplain for the police department in my hometown a young officer was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I truly enjoyed getting to know him in my visits to the hospital. Kelly, by his own admission, was not much for going to church or reading the Bible. But his conversations with me were deeply spiritual. I had no doubt that he loved the Lord.

One day when I came to visit I could tell something was wrong the moment I walked into the room. He seemed distressed, preoccupied. When the timing was right, I asked what he was thinking about. I was sure that he would open up about being fearful or perhaps angry with his diagnosis. He was just thirty years old. He had his whole life ahead of him. He just wanted to be a cop; to help people. It just wasn't right that he had to die. Perhaps he had just had a bad night.

But it wasn't physical pain or the unfairness of his situation that was stirring his emotions. It was a phone call that he had received. It seems a family member was concerned about his spiritual well-being and asked her pastor to call him. It was a phone conversation from hell. Rather than share the love of Christ by expressing concern and compassion; rather than entering Kelly's pain and asking about his physical, emotional, or spiritual struggles; rather than assuring him that our Heavenly Father is always by our side especially in times of trial; the pastor had a different agenda. He was out to save Kelly's soul. 

As Kelly recalled the conversation I could see that he was trying to gather up what little strength he had left to fight back his tears. He painfully described the pastor's interrogation: What do you believe about God? Why haven't you been going to church? Why haven't you been reading your Bible? Don't you know what it says in Acts 4:12? Don't you know that those who don't believe go to hell?

Then Kelly began to sob and asked, "Why do Christians do that?"

I cried with him. Because I ask the same question.

Just like I am embarrassed by the behaviors of some who share my last name, I often find myself wanting to apologize for the words and actions of others who, like me, carry the name Christian.  
 
I expressed to Kelly how sorry I was that he had to be subjected to that. I shared how I, too, had been wounded by the words and actions of those who call themselves Christians. I told Kelly how I had recently seen a bumper sticker with the message: Dear God: Please Protect Me From Your Followers. He laughed when I told him I was going to order one for my car.

One of the characters in the movie Hannah and Her Sisters summed it up succinctly: "If Jesus came back and saw what was going on in His name, He'd never stop throwing up." 


When Christians are void of love; when we are seen as having all the answers; when we are more interested in making converts than making friends; when we don't allow others to question our beliefs; when we, in the name of Christ, refuse to associate with others because of their beliefs or "sinful behavior" we are denying a thirsty world the Living Water we are called to dispense. 

We Christians need to understand that our words and actions can draw others to Jesus or make them want to run in the opposite direction. The news of Christ's redeeming love is good news. May we speak of it often. May we model it daily. May we do all that we can to make Christian a good word once again.

Q.: How long does the grieving process last?

A.: Forever. We never "get over" losing someone we loved. With God's help, we can begin to heal over time. But we are never the same. Nor should we be the same when we lose someone who mattered deeply. To move forward in the process we must give ourselves some grace. We must let the tears flow. And we must understand that our Heavenly Father grieves with us. Death was never a part of His plan.

God's promise to His children in times of storm (from Isaiah 43, NLT): 
Do not be afraid. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. For I am the Lord, your God, your Savior.

I have an inquiring mind. I have always asked "why"--sometimes over and over again--when things don't make sense. I don't mean to suggest that my incessant questioning as a child was problematic for those around me. It was purely a coincidence that my mother was on medication and most of my grade school teachers chose early retirement. 

Excuse me, but as I was growing up there were many questions that demanded answers. I needed to know why we can't we tickle ourselves. I found it valid to ask what makes Teflon stick to the pan. I was justifiably curious as to whose cruel idea was it to put an 's' in the word 'lisp.' I had to know these things.

Asking questions helps us learn. It deepens our understanding of the world we live in. It gives us insight as to why things are the way they are.

A recent study revealed the ten most asked questions in the world. Among the most common queries:

• Is there a god?
  
• Is there life on other planets?, and 
  
• How can I lose weight and keep it off?
  

Good questions, those. But there is one question on that top ten list that, having worked for years at a counseling agency and in pastoral ministry, has far and away been the number one question asked of me: Why do bad things happen to good people?

It doesn't make sense, does it? Shouldn't good people experience good things and bad people bad things? Why would God allow anyone, least of all model Christians, to suffer hardship and heartache? If He truly loved His children why would He permit them to go through times of pain and suffering? Shouldn't adversity be given only to bad people--you know, people who deserve it?

So why do bad things happen to good people? The answer is simple, really. You're probably not going to like it but here it is: Bad things happen to good people because life isn’t fair. Period. And the sooner we grasp that simple truth, the more peace and contentment we will have in our lives.

Bad things will happen to good people, good things will happen to bad people, simply because life isn't fair. I know that answer is about as unsatisfying a a parent saying, Because I said so, that's why, but that's just how it is.

No matter how Christ-like our lives, strong our faith, and pure our motives, none of us can prevent bad things from coming our way. 

Not even those whom God chose to play leading roles in His story were exempt from adversity. Joseph was sold as a slave by his own brothers and was later sentenced to prison for something he didn't do. David, after suffering unjustly for years at hands of King Saul, experienced the most devastatingly unjust heartache of all--the death of a child. Legend has it that eleven of Jesus's best buddies--His twelve hand-picked disciples--died horrible, painful deaths, from being stoned to being set on fire. 

Today's world continues to be filled with injustice and unfairness. Good people lose their jobs. Stellar reputations are slandered.  Innocent kids are abused. Parents get divorced. People we love get cancer. Grandpas and grandmas die. 

Asking why bad things happen to good people is a logical question. But if we truly long for insight as to why things are the way they are, if we want to have peace in our souls no matter what comes our way, perhaps we need to ask a different question. Rather than asking God, Why do bad things happen to good people? we would be better served asking Him, How do good people handle bad things? Or, more specifically, How do I handle bad things?

We aren't able to choose whether or not we have hardships in life. But we most certainly can choose how we're going to handle those hardships. We can moan and complain and feel sorry for ourselves and shake our fists at a God who we perceive as cruel and unjust. Or, we can accept the fact that life isn't fair, seek to grow through adversity, and open our arms to a God who Scripture says heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds (Ps. 34:18). 

The likely consequences of Choice A are frustration, anxiety, anger, bitterness, and distance from God. But when we choose the latter, we can actually accept our difficulties, see them as opportunities for spiritual growth, and learn to trust the biblical truth that God is a Father who always has His kids' best interests in mind. Teacher and author Oswald Chambers once said, “Faith is unutterable trust in God, trust which never dreams that He will not stand by us.”  

Life isn't fair. Bad things will happen to good people. But will our response to bad things be utter devastation or unshakable devotion? Will it be seething defiance or simple submission? Will it be ruined fellowship with God or renewed faith in Him?

The choice is ours.