It is said that six percent of the American population experience some form of tinnitus (ringing in the ears) at different stages of life. Many times it is simply a result of being subjected to loud noises and, after a period of time, it goes away. But over 12 million people have sought medical attention for tinnitus that doesn't go away. I am one of those people.

While there are some treatments that have helped make tinnitus more bearable, there is no known cure. The most common words of advice from even the very best ear, nose, and throat doctors: Learn to live with it. 

For me, most days the ringing is tolerable. Other days, for reasons I still haven't been able to figure out, it is quite pronounced. Today is one of those days.

I tend to like to be in control (those who have ever worked with me are saying, "Yeah, tell us something we don't know). But wanting to take charge of the situation has only proven to make it worse. The more I dwell on it, the more I try to fix it. The more I try to fix it, the more helpless I feel. The more helpless I feel, the more frustrated I get. The more frustrated I get, the more stress I experience. And stress is a known trigger for tinnitus sufferers. 

I am learning (I'm not there yet--but I'm learning​) to embrace my tinnitus as a means to experience at a deeper level God's wonderful gift of grace.

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul acknowledged that there was a difficulty in his life which he referred to as a "thorn in the flesh." Biblical scholars have come up with a number of possibilities as to what Paul's thorn actually was. Some believe it was a physical disability, perhaps malaria, epilepsy, migraines, or an eye problem. Some are of the opinion that Paul's thorn was a temptation he was experiencing. Others contend it was a person who had gotten under Paul's skin.

No matter what it was specifically, there was something in Paul's life that clearly bothered him. And on multiple occasions he asked God to take it away. God's answer: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9)

What God said to Paul and what He is saying to all of us who struggle with adversity in our lives is this: Don't dwell on your problems. Dwell in my presence. My grace is all you need.

Every one of us has problems. Legitimate, difficult, sometimes painful problems. But while we can't choose which problems we'll have to deal with in our lives we do have a choice as to what we do with them.

Many of us, in the theater of our minds, choose to give our problems center stage. We choose to make them our primary focus. We choose to place our full attention on them. We choose to worry about them, we wonder about how to fix them, we ask why they are happening to us.

And left in the wake of our worry, wonder, and whys is any possibility of happiness, joy, and contentment.

If we have determined before we even get out of bed in the morning that it's going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, we may as well stay in bed. We'd actually be doing the rest of the world a favor. 

But, the truth is, we have a choice in the matter. Every day, at any given moment, we can choose to be happy simply by choosing what we want to think about. 

Groucho Marx once said, "Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be."

So how might our lives be different if, rather than settling into our ringside seats every day to watch how our problems are going to play out, we chose to place God center stage? What if we chose to make make Him our primary focus? What if we chose to place our full attention on Him? What if we chose every day to watch God's love, mercy, and grace show?

I am in no way saying that we must simply think happy thoughts and ignore our problems. But there is a big difference between dealing with our problems and dwelling on our problems.

A person who chooses to dwell on their problems cannot be happy. But a person who chooses to dwell in God's presence cannot be unhappy.

Forbes magazine recently published a list of the 50 most common questions asked in a job interview. The top two questions? What are your strengths? and What are your weaknesses?

Each of us has been uniquely created with abilities and traits that are easily recognized as our personal strengths. Some of us are gifted musically, others of us shine academically. Some of us would be described as empathetic, others are depicted as effervescent.

We also--if we are honest--all have areas of our lives where we are lacking in terms of talents or attributes. While we may have keen insight as to what makes people tick we may be clueless as to what makes our car engine tick. We may know how to organize a major event but can't seem to organize our closet. 

In a healthy family environment, children's strengths are recognized, affirmed, and developed. But in homes where serious dysfunction is present (e.g. a parent's addiction, uncontrolled anger, abandonment, constant criticism) a child's greatest strengths can be taken to such an extreme that they become his or her greatest weaknesses. Driven by the often insatiable need for attention and affirmation, a child's God-given abilities and traits can be transformed from blessings to curses.    

• A child's desire for excellence, fueled by the insecurity of a chaotic environment, can become a need for perfection.
• Living in a dysfunctional family environment can turn a child's spirit of independence into a “nobody’s gonna tell me what to do” attitude.
• Taken to an extreme, a child's sense of responsibility turns into his or her becoming super responsible. He or she begins to believe that they are responsible for everyone and everything.

• A child's caring nature becomes detrimental when he or she  become so busy caring for others that they don’t care for themselves.
• For a child trying to prove his or her worth, being disciplined and task-oriented can become an obsession--so much so that there is no room in their lives for spontaneity or fun.
• A child's sense of humor can be affected in that his or her natural ability to joke and laugh becomes a means of avoiding their pain; they are always “on,” they find it hard to​ ever be serious because serious hurts too much.

• A child's boldness to say what he or she believes, when elevated by the anger associated with their home life, can lead to their being argumentative. He or she have to be right in every situation--even when they know they're wrong.
• A child's sense of loyalty can become an undying allegiance that prevents him or her from acknowledging reality, often leading to their involvement in gangs and toxic romantic relationships.
• When living with people who are unsafe, a child who is naturally shy can become reclusive.

• A child who is compliant by nature, when subjected to a demanding parent, learns that it is wrong to stand up for themselves.  
• When a child's rights are violated in the home, his or her assertiveness can turn into aggressiveness.

The damage caused from growing up in a dysfunctional family environment is far reaching. Everyone in the family system is affected. Many times the effects aren't recognized until they rear their ugly heads in our adult relationships.

The first step toward addressing our "issues" is recognizing that there may be underlying reasons we have them. Many times when trying to understand why we are the way we are we don't connect the dots between past and present.

Once we gain an understanding of where our behaviors originated we can get about the business of reshaping them. We can find healthy ways to address our still-present need for attention and affirmation. With our Creator's help our strengths can truly become strengths once again.

(excerpt from When Father is a Bad Word)

Sometimes dads abandon their kids. Some of them are not there, physically or emotionally, to provide protection for their children. But our Heavenly Father is there. He offers us the security of knowing that He is always aware of our surroundings and offers us refuge under His loving wings. Even when floods and fires come—and they will come—we have a Father who is so committed to our safety that He secured it with the blood of His Son, Jesus. God, our Protector, our Refuge, our Shield, our Rock, our Strength, our Hiding Place, our Shepherd offers us what no other father can: eternal security.
​
The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.” (Psalm 91:14-16, NLT)
​

 It produces nothing that is positive. Not one thing.  It steals our joy. It puts us on edge. It hijacks our minds and alters our ability to reason. It even erodes our health. Its physical effects include:

• dizziness
• fatigue
• headache
• increased heart rate
• insomnia
• muscle tension
• shortness of breath
• sweating
• trembling and twitching

It serves no practical purpose. God Himself tells us that it is nothing but a colossal waste of time (DKV--Dan Kuiper Version). And yet we all do it. We all worry.

It is normal to have worrisome thoughts from time to time. We wonder how our bills will get paid, what the test results will be, how a conflict will get resolved. And many of us are able to ponder these things for a time, find a solution, then move on.

But some of us have made worry a lifestyle. It has become our constant companion. We live on the cliff of "what if?" And there is nothing about that which is beneficial to us. Constant worrying makes us tense. Preoccupied. Irritable. It shrouds us in a feeling of hopelessness. Worry has no redeeming qualities.

The word worry comes from an old English word meaning, "to choke or strangle." Worry suffocates our spirit. It suppresses our soul. That is not a position God wants to see us in.

So the question is this: If it is so bad for us, why do we worry? The answer is simple.  We worry because of our pride. 

We worry because we convince  ourselves that we can control situations that are conclusively not in our control. We worry because we are unwilling to surrender our circumstances to the One who can actually do something about them. We worry because of a core belief that pretentiously tells us that the results are solely up to us.

Worry is nothing but a control issue. 

And the first step in overcoming worry is recognizing what we can control and what we can't. The truth is, we can't always change our circumstances. But we can change what we think about them.

Look closely at these definitions of the word worry (emphases mine):

• "To allow one's mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles"--Oxford Dictionary
• "To torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts"--Dictionary.com

Worry does not come from without, it comes from within. Make no mistake about it. We choose to worry.
But overcoming worry is more than simply choosing not do what is bad. It is about choosing to do what is good. 

God gives us the antidote to worry. It is to give Him control of our circumstances. It is to recognize that He can do what we can't. Our Heavenly Father tells us, as only a loving parent can, Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell (me) what you need, and thank (me) for all (I have) done. Then you will experience (my) peace, which exceeds anything (you) can understand. (My) peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

​Allow God to free you from worry's choke hold and fill your mind with His peace.