The movie Fifty Shades of Grey opens this weekend. Just in time for Valentines Day. Rumor has it many teens across the country are planning to see it.

Clergy, Christian parents, and all those who view sex as sacred are appalled and/or outraged. Condemning the movie as "smut" and "filth," they proclaim that movies like this "send the wrong message about sex." I agree. But I have a question for those of us who understand the importance of living by biblical principles in regard to sex: Are we sending the right message?

Last year, I was asked to do the middle school sex talk at a Christian school. In recent years, the school had brought in representatives from a local faith-based pregnancy center to give "the talk." The teachers complained that the agency's presentation was from a primarily negative point of view. The speakers warned the young pubescents about the dangers of teen pregnancy and STDs and went into graphic detail about all the horrifying things that can happen to our body parts if we don’t follow God’s commandments.

Sadly, that was the primary message many of these kids were getting at home and church as well.

A fresh, more positive approach was needed, the teachers said. So I was asked to give "the talk." I had done many talks before at the school as a drug and alcohol preventionist. I did not follow the popular "Just Say No" theme. Rather, I focused on what the kids needed to say yes to--positivity, integrity, healthy relationships, a healthy sense of self-worth, and bringing honor to God. 

I eagerly accepted the challenge of addressing the topic of sex. Those kids will never be the same. In fact, I'm reasonably sure the teachers will never be the same.

I gave no warnings or disclaimers. I came right out of the gate with this: 
       I LOVE sex! 
       Sex is one of the most awesomely amazing gifts God has ever given! 
       There is nothing in the world I would rather do than have sex with my wife!

The color drained from every adolescent's face. Eyes glazed over. Mouths fell open with nothing coming out. I thought for a moment that one of the teachers would need CPR--all indications that mine was not a message they were familiar with.

I know I never heard such things when I first starting pondering sex as a child while perusing the intimates section of the Sears Wish Book. Most parents from my generation avoided the topic like the plague. That’s why schools had to pay people to come in and tell kids what the parents didn’t want to talk about. If my friends' parents dared to broach the subject with them I'm reasonably sure the words awesome and amazing were not part of the conversation. 

The directive given by parents from my generation, and often reinforced at church and school, was a classic mixed message: Sex is dirty and wrong. Save it for the one you love. Is it any wonder we’re all in therapy?

I've gone to church my entire life (spanning over a half-century) and I never once heard a sermon about sex being a beautiful, pleasurable gift from God. Honestly, I'm surprised Song of Solomon is still in our pew Bibles. I would have thought that, by now, someone would have come up with a sanitized, PG-rated version of Scripture that goes straight from Ecclesiastes to Isaiah.

Your breasts are like two fawns, the twins of a gazelle (Song of Solomon 7:3, NCV)? I don't remember ever getting a gold star in Sunday School for memorizing that verse. (And by the way men, don’t ever tell your wife her breasts are like twins of a gazelle. It won't get her in the mood. Trust me, I know.)

I talked to the kids very openly in the classroom that day about what God intended sex to be. And, only after presenting sex for what it truly is—a pleasing present from our Creator meant to be enjoyed--did we talk about the boundaries God has put around sex; boundaries given not because He is a prude and doesn't want His followers to have any fun, but so that His incredible gift can be enjoyed to the full.

To illustrate my point, I brought with me into the classroom a little plug-in fake fire. You see, kids (and men) are all about visual aids. I turned the fire on and enlightened the students about the benefits of being around a fire; that sitting in front of a fireplace makes us feel cozy and warm; that fire illuminates everything in proximity in a beautiful golden hue; that it brings a sense of satisfaction and contentment.

But then I shared that those benefits can only be enjoyed if we keep the fire in the fireplace. That it is only when a fire is in the confines of a fireplace that it is beneficial and safe and enjoyable.

The reality is, when we take the fire out of the fireplace it can burn our house down. Our Heavenly Father, out of His great love for His kids, places similar boundaries around sex.

By God’s grand design, sex is meant to make us feel cozy and warm. It is illuminating. The sexual act has incredible physical and emotional benefits as it brings two people together in the most loving and intimate way. But take sex out of the confines of marriage and it can be raging and destructive. It is no longer safe. It ceases to serve its God-designed purpose. It can burn our lives down.

Hollywood is not bashful in presenting boundary-less sex as the secret to true happiness and contentment. Millions have fallen for that lie and and have been burned.  

The opening this weekend of Fifty Shades of Grey will rile up a lot of believers. But rather than protest what we're against, how about we promote what we're for? Let's cut through the shame that often blankets this subject and speak more openly about what sex is meant to be. Let's seize the opportunity to talk to our kids about sex being a beautiful, pleasurable, awesomely amazing gift from God, designed to be enjoyed to the full in the context of marriage. 

Lord knows we're getting inundated with wrong messages about this subject. Let's openly promote the right message.

There is a great debate today over whether or not celebrities are role models to children. A number of professional athletes and entertainers, usually after some personal transgression has been made public, have stated that even though they are looked up to by the younger generation, they should never be labeled as role models to children.

The jury is still out as to whether or not Ray Rice or Beyonce or Chris Brown are to be seen as role models to our kids. But there is no question that anyone who is a parent is--for good or bad--a role model. 

Our kids are watching us. They're listening to us. And they're learning from us what it means to be a man or woman. What it means to be a Christian. What it means to be a good parent. 

Since the publication of my book, When Father is a Bad Word, I have heard from people all around the world whose mothers and fathers have taught them some rather troubling things. The example set by their parents has taught more adults that we would like to believe that:

• Parents lie.
  
• Parents cheat.
  
• Parents put work and pleasure before family.
  
• Parents expect perfection.
  
• Parents can't be trusted. 
  
• Parents are hateful.
  
• Parents leave when things get rough.
  

  
Author Steve Farrar, the Founder and Chairman of Men's Leadership Ministries, shares a story that speaks of the importance of parents setting a good example to their kids. His family moved to a new town when he was sophomore in high school. 

Steve knew that one of the best ways to make new friends was to go out for a sport. He really wanted to go out for basketball but realized he couldn’t. He had done something very foolish. Because he had goofed around in class he had gotten a D on his report card. His dad’s rule for the three boys in their family was clear: You bring home anything lower than a C, you don’t play sports.

But one day in PE class, the varsity basketball coach saw Steve shooting hoops. He was impressed enough to approach Steve and invite to try out for the varsity team. Steve sheepishly told him he couldn’t because of his report card. The coach was quick to point out that according to school rules he was still eligible to play if he had just one D.

Steve said, “Yes, sir, I realize that, but you have to understand that my dad has his own eligibility rules.”

The coach flippantly said, “What’s your phone number?  I’m going to call your dad.”

Steve said, “I’ll give you the phone number, but it will be a waste of your time.”

The coach soon found that to be true. Steve’s dad pointedly told the coach that it was his job as a father to teach his sons how to be responsible and that if Steve really wanted to play basketball next season he knew what he needed to do. 

The coach kept pushing. But Steve's father stood firm.

The next morning, the coach came up to Steve in the locker room and said, “I talked to your dad yesterday afternoon and he wouldn’t budge.  I explained the school eligibility rules, but he wouldn’t change his mind.  I don’t have very much respect for your father.”

Steve was stunned. This coach doesn’t respect my father? 

Steve reflects that at the time he thought,"Even I have enough sense to know that my dad is doing the right thing.  Sure, I want to play ball, but I know that my dad is a man of his word and he is right in not letting me play. I can’t believe this coach would say such a thing.”

“Coach,” Steve said.  “I can tell you that I highly respect my dad.  And I also want you to know that I will never play basketball for you.”

And he never did. Even though he got his grades up he never went out for the varsity team. Why? Because he refused to play for man who didn’t respect his father for doing right thing.

Steve later said, “My dad was man of conviction and character. And any coach who couldn’t see that was not the kind of man I wanted to be associated with. My dad was strict and unwilling to change his conviction even though he had gone to college on a basketball scholarship and it hurt him for me not to play ball. My dad was capable of change, but he was unwilling to change because he had a long-term objective for my life that the coach didn’t have. The coach wanted to win games. My dad wanted to build a son.”

Parents, do you want to set a positive example to your children? Do you want to build them up in a world that is all too ready to tear them down? Do you want them to stand up for what is right when others are pressuring them to do wrong? Do you want to teach them the importance of being a person of integrity? Then accept the fact that the greatest role model they will ever have is you. 

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. (Titus 2:7-8, NIV)