I was cradling my beautiful new grandson soon after his arrival. As I held him close and looked at that sweet face I was overflowing with love for him; a love so deep that I realized that there was nothing I wouldn't do for him.

What exactly did he do to earn such love? Absolutely nothing. At that point in his young life, pretty much all he could do was eat, sleep, and poop. But I don't love him because of anything he does. I love him because of who he is. He's my grandson. 

In that tender moment I came to understand that my Heavenly Father loves me much the same way. He doesn't love me because of the things I do. He loves me because of who I am. I'm His child. Made in His image. Bought with a very high price.

Our Heavenly Father loves His kids without condition and without exception. He doesn't withhold His love until we've proven ourselves lovable. He loves us even when we smell and fuss and need to be changed. He overflows with love for us. He loves us so much that there is nothing He wouldn't do for us.

When I need to be reassured, when I need to feel secure, when I need to be reminded that I have value and am deeply loved, I know what I have to do. I must place myself in my Father's arms. ​

An all-too-common response when we are blindsided by painful circumstances is to blame God. Sometimes we point our finger at Him when things don’t go our way and demand to know why. Our prayers can become confrontational. We ask where on earth He is. We accuse Him of not listening to our pleas and, worse, not caring. We translate our having to endure hardship as God having a hard heart. We make God out to be the enemy.

How can you let him treat me like that?

How can my being abused be part of Your plan?

Why didn’t you heal her?

How am I supposed to learn how to trust when people keep letting me down?

I thought You loved me! 

When our cheeks are streaked with tears, overwhelmed by adversity, it is important to know that God, our Heavenly Father, cries right with us. He hurts when we hurt. When we are angry about divorce, deceit, abuse, or death we need to understand that God is angry about those things, too. None of those dreadful difficulties were a part of the world He created for us. His desire was for His kids to live in perfect harmony with each other and with Him. All He wanted was to walk with us, and talk with us, and tell us that we are His own. That was His plan. But sin proved to be the immutable monkey wrench; it destroyed His divine design.  It caused a chasm between us and our Creator. No one grieves more about that than God.

Sometimes an adversarial relationship with God is a result an ill-founded belief that we deserve better. We may have convinced ourselves, or have been taught to believe by feel-good philosophers or misinformed ministers, that God wants all His children to be happy. If we carry in our chest a sense of entitlement it’s easy to see God as being against us whenever we encounter unhappy experiences. Problem is–and Scripture bears it out–being happy is not God’s deepest desire for our lives. God doesn’t want us to be happy as much as He wants us to be holy.

To be holy is to be devoutly dedicated, compassionately committed to God. Our holiness is the pathway to unhindered intimacy with a holy God. He cherishes nothing more than being in close relationship with His children. But God knows us well enough to know that it is hardship, not happiness, that draws us closer to Him. It is in the most difficult times of life that our relationship with Him is solidified, that the bond between us is strengthened, that our faith in the Heavenly Father is set in stone.

Whenever we see God as the enemy and blame Him for the trials we face we create distance between us and Him. We separate ourselves from the One who can save us. Whenever we encounter adversity we must see that God is our greatest ally. Nothing or no one else can equip us with the strength, peace, encouragement, and hope that He provides. He still longs to walk with us and talk with us and tell us we are His own.

Our concept of God is shaped largely by the relationship we have or had with our fathers. If your father is or was encouraging, trustworthy, caring, approachable, and loving, chances are excellent you will view your Heavenly Father much the same way.

But encouraging, trustworthy, caring, approachable, and loving are not the adjectives many of us would use to describe our fathers. Some have dads who are abusive. Some have dads who drink too much or are drug-addicted. Some have fathers who have made work their top (and sometimes only) priority. Some don’t have dads at all. Our father may have died. He may have left by choice. And some have no idea who their father is.

As a result, our concept of God (a.k.a. our Heavenly Father) gets skewed. We come to experience our Heavenly Father much as we experience(d) our earthly fathers. We see God as:

• Angry–our spiritual life resembles our home life; we find ourselves walking on eggshells, trying not to do or say anything that might upset our Father.

• Preoccupied–we believe that God, like our dad, always has more important things on His mind and doesn’t want to be bothered by us.

• Distant–we think that fathers--including the Heavenly Father--are emotionally cold and incapable of intimacy.

• Impulsive–experience tells us not to get too close to the Heavenly Father because fathers could pick up and leave at any moment, for any reason.

• Non-existent–since fathers are not a part of our reality it’s less painful to simply go on as if they didn't exist at all.
  

Let me state this clearly based on the authority of God’s Word: these are false beliefs that will not only block the path to emotional healing, they will bring ruin to our spiritual lives. And I speak from experience.

For much of my life I held beliefs about God that were based on my “father experience”; beliefs that I discovered were downright lies. It wasn’t until the truth about my Heavenly Father was revealed that I found healing for my wounded soul. The journey to find who my Heavenly Father really is led me to these truths:

• He “abounds” in love for me–The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love. (Psalm 103:8, NIV)

• He is never too busy for me--God’s there, listening for all who pray and mean it. (Psalm 145:18, The Message)
  

• He wants to be close to me–The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18, NIV)
  

• He will always be there for me--Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5, NIV)
  

• He encourages me on the journey–Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9, NIV)
  

We have a Heavenly Father who wants to provide healing for our father wounds. That cannot happen until the barriers of false belief are removed. Find out who He is. Who He really is. It is when we know the truth that road to recovery opens before us.  

With more and more people bearing the wounds caused by a hurtful or non-existent relationship with their fathers, many don't even know what a father is supposed to be. Please allow me to clarify.

A father is someone who not only tells his kids he loves them, he shows it.

A father is someone who is always true to his word. 

A father is someone who greets his kids with open arms, no matter what they've done. 

A father is someone to whom his children can always come for advice, for encouragement, or to simply listen. 

A father is someone in whose presence his children always feel safe. 

A father is someone who teaches his kids to be kind, to accept others, to be responsible, to forgive when they've been wronged, and to live each day to the fullest.

A father is someone who wants what is best for his kids, even if that means he sometimes has to say, "no." 

A father is someone who beams with delight at the mere thought of his children. 

Whether we know it or not, we all have a Father like that. Every one of us. The sooner we discover Him, the sooner we will find the peace, hope, love, and healing we're looking for. 

"See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!"      ~1 John 3:1a, NLT 

(excerpt from When Father is a Bad Word) 

The relationship a child has with their father has a profound impact on the relationship, if any, they have with God. It is normal even for people who are raised in a healthy family system to project significant people in their lives onto others and expect them to behave in similar ways. It is common to project our parents onto teachers, bosses, spouses—even God. In the world of psychology this is known as transference.

It is very typical for children and adults to project their dads onto God:

· Boys whose dads walked out on the family often grow to be men who believe they can’t rely on God. They rationalize, “Why trust Him? He’ll just walk one day, too.”

· Daughters of workaholic dads can become women with an insatiable need to be valued by God. They attribute their father’s voice to God: “Not now. I’m busy.”

· Sons of strict, legalistic, judgmental dads often, in their adult life, view God as someone whose love must be earned. Their life is all about following the rules.

· Girls who were sexually abused by their fathers become, in many cases, women who find they simply cannot have a close relationship with a male God. The word “intimacy” for them has forever been ruined. 

Here is the dilemma: When we have “father issues” and transfer them onto our Heavenly Father we build a wall between us and Him. In doing so, we separate ourselves from the very thing we’re looking for—a growing, trusting, loving, saving relationship with a Father who wants what’s best for His kids.