The effects of shame are devastating. Much deeper than feelings of guilt and embarrassment over things that we’ve done or were done to us, feelings of shame permeate our being. Shame continually whispers that we are defective. Flawed. Unacceptable. Shame tells us over and over again that we cannot be fixed or forgiven.

Left unaddressed, shame will strip us of self-worth. It will drain our passion, neutralize our faith, and steal our joy.

Throughout my childhood I lived with the shame of being the son of an alcoholic. As a child, I reasoned like a child--Dad gets drunk because I am bad. I convinced myself that my father chose to spend time with his bar buddies instead of me because I wasn't worth spending time with. I believed that, if only I were a better son, he wouldn't have to get drunk all the time. 

As an adult, I discovered that shame is not simply outgrown. One does not merely "get over it."

Well into my adult years, after my dad quit drinking, after our relationship was restored, I found myself still bound by the chains of shame. Dad's drinking days were over, but the effects still had hold of me. I was still shackled by the voice of shame--You don't matter. You will never amount to anything. You don't deserve to be loved.

The voice of shame may be that of our father or mother or ex or kids on the playground. It may be our own. Unfortunately, we may sometimes even attribute it to God. But let's be clear. Shame comes from one place--the mouth of the evil one.

What better way for Satan to hold us back from living the lives that God wants us to have than to continually remind us how unlovable and unworthy we are? How can we experience the blessing of God if we are convinced we don't deserve it because of the things we've done or that were done to us?

The inevitable result of shame is self-rejection. And rejecting ourselves will never serve to help us to grow spiritually. In the words  of Henri Nouwen, “Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us Beloved.”  

For us to find freedom from the grip of shame we must not only reject the lies of the evil one, we must embrace the truth the Holy One.

And what is the truth? The Bible tells us:

• God is a Father who enjoys spending time with His children.
• God is a Father who values us deeply.
• God is a Father who forgives us when we've done wrong and helps us to forgive when we have been wronged.
• God is a Father who longs for us to not only experience peace in our lives, but peace that passes our comprehension; not just joy, but fullness of joy; not just life, but abundant life.
• God is a Father who calls us beloved.

Shame is a prison in which far too many of us are living. But our Heavenly Father offers us freedom. It is found when we discover and experience in our souls His truth. Search His Word for yourself. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (Jn. 8:32).

Human suffering. I've seen so much of it these past couple of weeks that the idea of living alone on a desert island is sounding appealing.

• Dozens of people shot in a cold-blooded massacre at a nightclub.
• ​An Ohio woman charged with trafficking her 11-year-old daughter for sex to feed her heroin addiction.
• Parents experiencing the death of their son in an ungodly alligator attack in Disney World, of all places.

I had to stop watching the news. I couldn't bear to see any more anguish.

But human suffering continued to infiltrate my world. It crept into my private circles. In just the past few days, people have talked with me--people I know and care about--who are dealing with debilitating depression, cancer diagnoses, childhood sexual abuse, broken marriage vows, even thoughts of ending their lives.

Even though I've been a Christian my entire life I still find myself asking, Where is God in all this suffering? And that's when I begin again to understand that, in times of suffering, it is not the loss of loved ones, the loss of innocence, the loss of ability, or the loss of relationships that wrenches our souls. It is the loss of hope.

Dr. Myron J. Taylor once wrote, “The real sting of suffering is not misfortune itself, nor even the pain or the injustice of it, but the apparent God-forsakenness of it. Pain is endurable, but the seeming indifference of God is not.”

Although suffering makes it seem that God is indifferent it is clear from Scripture that He is not. He cares deeply when His children are hurting. In fact, He suffers with us. He grieves when His children grieve.

Suffering was never part of His plan for His kids. He created for us a perfect world. A world that knew nothing of terrorism or tragedy, of sickness or sorrow. A world in which there was a perfect relationship between the Creator and the created. A world in which He simply delighted in being with us. Then sin entered that world and messed everything up. No one grieves that more than God.

And yet we have hope. Because God is still with us. He accompanies us on our often heartrending journey, but not as an oblivious onlooker. He selflessly, compassionately offers us what we need--healing for our broken hearts, rest for our weary souls, strength that is made perfect in our weakness, peace that passes human understanding.

God not only walks with us through our suffering, He enters into it. And in our times of deepest anguish when we think we can't go on, He points us to a future in which the perfect world He created will be restored. Where tears and fears will be no more. Where all that's wrong will be made right. Where all that's broken will be made new. 

We need never fear that God has forsaken us. He would never leave us to deal with the heartaches of life on our own. It would go against the Father's nature to abandon His kids. So where is He in our suffering? Smack dab in the middle of it. 

Father. For some that is a word that conjures up feelings of warmth, security, and pride. For all too many others it is a word that triggers pain, anger, and shame.

It is not an overstatement to say that the relationship we have or had with our fathers has a profound effect on every relationship we will ever have. And our father-child relationship plays a crucial role in shaping the relationship we have with God.

Whether we realize it or not, there are parallels between our "dad experience" and our "God experience." If we have or had a loving, encouraging relationship with our earthly father it is common to view our Heavenly Father much the same way.

Conversely, it is true that:

• Children who grew up with angry, intolerant fathers are more inclined to live in fear of God.
• Children whose dads abandoned them (physically or emotionally) often keep God at arm's length for fear that one day He may walk, too.
• Children of workaholic dads who wonder how much they really matter to him are more likely to grow up believing that they aren't a top priority to God, either.
• Children of sexually abusive fathers often want nothing to do God, just because He is a "father ".

The unfortunate consequence of seeing God through the lens of our dad is that we distance ourselves from the only One who can provide the love, acceptance, and healing we desperately need.

Whether we know it or not, we have a Father who thinks the world of us.

     ...Who delights in spending time with us.

     ...Who smiles at the thought of us

     ...Who picks us up when we fall down.

     ...Who forgives us when we mess up.

     ...Who wouldn't think of leaving us.

     ...Who offers us the very things we're looking for.

Some of us know the pain of broken trust as a result of fathers not living up to their promises. But God is a Father who always keeps His word. He hasn't broken a promise yet. One of His many promises to us, found in Psalm 27:10, is this: Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.

If you are feeling distant from God, it's not because He moved. He is at your side, at this very moment, holding you close. His deepest desire is to have a close, intimate relationship with you. Allow yourself to open up to Him. Healing for father wounds can only be found in one place--in the arms of the Heavenly Father.

​When I was a toddler, my mother taught me a little bedtime prayer: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take. I'm still not sure what it was about the thought of dying in the middle of the night that was supposed to prepare me for sleep. 

Mom would then "soothe" me by singing a lullaby about a baby in a cradle wedged in a tree that came crashing down when the wind caused the load-bearing limb to break. As a child I thought that surely, if I was going to die in my sleep that would be how.

And parents wonder why we're in therapy.

Our bodies, minds, even our souls crave times of peaceful rest. For our own health and well-being--not to mention the well-being of those around us--we need regular periods of calm and quiet. Not just at night as we sleep, but throughout our week.
 
For many in today's hectic culture, rest and relaxation are foreign concepts. We may want to make self-care a top priority, but caring for our bodies, de-cluttering our minds, and quieting our souls are often the first things scratched from our "To Do" lists when we get too busy.

Someone once said, “If the devil can’t make you bad he’ll make you busy.” Truth is, Satan can use our schedules as much as our sins to keep us from the kind of life our Creator longs for us to have.
  
Jesus once said, The thief comes to steal and destroy; I have come that (you) may have life, and have it to the full (Jn. 10:10, NIV).
 
The “full” life Jesus desires for us is a life characterized by deep and abiding peace. Peace that comes from accepting that God is control and we are not. Peace that results from knowing that we are loved by Him not for what we do, but for who we are. Peace that is only found in spending regular time in His presence.  
 
A rubber band that is continually stretched to its limits will lose its elasticity. In time, it will develop hairline cracks and will eventually snap. So it is with our bodies, minds, and souls. For us to function at our optimum level and truly experience life to the full we must allow ourselves to rest, to regularly return to a natural, relaxed state.

In the book of Matthew Jesus offers us this invitation: Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matt. 11:28-29, NLT).

Make that appointment. Write it at the top of your “To Do” list. Take the time to get away alone with Jesus. Find rest for your body, mind, and soul. And begin to experience life God wants for you--life to the full.  

The Battle of Gettysburg claimed almost 40,000 men. Several months after the skirmish a ceremony was held to dedicate the cemetery where many of the fallen men were buried. Author Garry Wills reported that the event drew thousands of people. The featured attraction was a scheduled speech from a famous speaker named Edward Everett.
 
In those days, people would travel for hours to hear a rousing speech, much like people today would travel long distances to attend a sporting event or concert. Edward Everett arrived in an expensive carriage. He was escorted to the platform to rousing ovation. The audience was captivated as Everett delivered his message.
 
Another man, who arrived on horseback, was scheduled to give few dedicatory remarks after Everett’s speech. He sat quietly off to the side of the dais. As Everett spoke—a message that lasted nearly two hours—the other man humbly and patiently waited.
 
When Everett concluded his speech, the audience burst into applause. When the ovation finally died down, the other man approached podium. He spoke for less than three minutes.
 
It was reported that at the conclusion of his message he sat down to smattering of applause. Edward Everett was clearly the star of this show.
 
The second speaker was unaffected by the response of the audience. He did not take the disparity as a slight. Truth be known, he had no desire to be in the spotlight. He was a man who personified humility.
 
Humility doesn’t seem to be valued much in our culture anymore, particularly in the world of politics. We want our leaders to be bold, outspoken, in-your-face. We are drawn to leaders who exhibit no-nonsense, no-holds-barred, nothing-is-going-to-stand-in-my-way rhetoric. We have somehow equated being humble with being weak.
 
Yet, in the eyes of God, there is perhaps no greater character quality to have than a humble spirit.
 
Humility is truly a Christ-like trait. Even though Jesus was the Son of God, the long-awaited Messiah, the Savior of the world, the King of kings, he was born to an unwed mother surrounded by barnyard animals. When He walked this earth He associated with people who were considered the dregs of society. His chosen friends were commoners, yet He washed their feet. And then, in the ultimate act of humility, He gave up his life in the most degrading and shameful manner—just so we sinners could be awarded entrance into heaven to spend eternity with Him.
 
The Bible tells us that those who humble themselves will be exalted. People of humility bring honor to God. While pride says, look at how awesome I am, humility says, look at how awesome God is. We are never more like Christ than when we operate out of a deep sense of humility.
 
Now back to the story. Amazingly enough, not many history books even mention Edward Everett, let alone contain any of his famous speeches. But that concluding message given after his speech at the cemetery—the one that wasn’t even three minutes long, the one that most people that day considered incidental, the one that most people didn’t even applaud that day—has somehow found a place in history. As has the humble, unassuming man who gave it.
 
The man’s name was Abraham Lincoln. The little speech he gave that day began with the words:
 
          “Fourscore and 7 years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in                                    liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”
 
Perhaps more amazing than speech itself was the fact that Lincoln—who happened to be president at the time—didn’t insist on being the main speaker. He didn’t need to be transported by a big, fancy carriage. He didn’t come expecting red carpet treatment.
 
Abraham Lincoln was man of character. He is thought of as one of most respected, revered leaders this world has ever seen. That’s what God can do with a humble spirit.