When I facilitate church leadership retreats I often begin with the question, "What makes a church successful?" Some of the answers I get:

• Bringing people to faith.
  
• Being a positive presence in the community.
  
• Drawing people of all ages to worship services.
  
• Reaching out to the poor and needy.
  
• Meeting the budget. 
  

Most responses to that question suggest that "success," in terms of the church, is determined by numbers and/or dollars. But is it? That depends on our definition of "success."

I have found that many folks, inside and out of the church, can't even define "success." And if we don't know what we're striving for it's rather difficult to know if we've achieved it. The old adage is true: If we aim at nothing, we'll hit it every time. 

That axiom not only applies to the church. It's true of our personal lives as well. If we can't even define what a "successful" life is, how can we expect to live one?

The working definition I offer at church leadership retreats is this: A successful church is a church that accomplishes its mission. 

If a church's mission is to reach out to those who don't know Jesus with the good news of the Gospel, it doesn't matter how many children attend their Vacation Bible School if all the kids come from that church or surrounding churches. If all the attendees already know Jesus it doesn't matter if 5,000 kids show up, the effort was a failure. It didn't accomplish what the church stated they wanted to accomplish.

All successful churches have a mission statement--a clearly defined declaration of their aims and values. Successful churches know they are successful because they have met the goals they set. Success in our personal lives is determined the same way. We are successful when we accomplish our life's mission. 

I have never met a person who didn't want their lives to be a "success." But I have met countless people who have no clue what true "success" in life even looks like. Well here it is, folks. Don't miss this. 

                                The key to success is to know your mission and to live it out.
 
Our great God has created us for a purpose. We have all been wired to accomplish very specific tasks that only we--out of all the people in the world--can carry out. The Creator has given each of us talents, abilities, experiences, and passion that no one else on earth has. We must discover what our unique mission in life is, then articulate it.

After floating through life for years, not really sure of where I was going, let alone when I was going to get there, I was challenged at a spiritual retreat to come up with a personal mission statement; to take some time alone with God to determine how He might deem my life successful in light of the talents, abilities, experiences, and passion He had given me. 

That time away with God was, quite literally, a defining moment in my life. In the solitude of the woods bordering the shoreline at the Indiana Dunes State Park, my Creator made me aware of precisely why I was created. My mission: To make an eternal difference in the lives of others by helping them to experience the love, healing, and grace of our Heavenly Father.

Having that personal mission statement has been tremendously freeing. It has given me a heavenly perspective of my life. It has allowed me to operate out of my passion, unhindered by the trappings of "success" as the world defines it. My success is not dependent on how many books I sell, how many people sign up for my conferences, or how much money I make. I am successful when I help other people to feel a Father's love, perhaps for the first time. I am successful when I enable hurting souls to discover a God who longs to heal them and bind up their wounds. I am successful when I lead those who have been judged, condemned, and treated unfairly to encounter God's unfathomable grace.

Do you want to be a success in the business world? In your community? In your marriage? As a parent? As a Christian? Ask God to make your mission clear. Write it down. Memorize it.  Recite it every morning when you get up. Then live it out. You will be more successful than you could ever imagine.

This is a cable TV interview I did recently for Crossroad Bible Institute, a prison ministry based in Grand Rapids, MI. My life was affected by my earthly father's alcoholism. But my life was transformed by my Heavenly Father's redeeming grace.  

Even Santa does it. He bases his gift-giving on performance. He keeps a list where he records all the things we do. And if we are deemed worthy, if the nice things we do outweigh the naughty things we do, he will reward us. I hate so say it, but it's true. Santa loves us conditionally.

Sadly, many of our relationships--even in our families--reflect conditional love. The unspoken messages that we hear loud and clear are:

• I will love you... if you're good.
  
• I will love you... if you meet my needs.
  
• I will love you... if you earn it. 
  

It's not that others don't love us. It's that their love for us is dependent on our meeting certain standards. Their love for us has strings attached.

Having grown up in a home where criticism flowed as freely as alcohol, where love and acceptance were caught in the currents of blame and shame, I spent much of my life believing that I was simply not worthy of being loved. 


Mine was a childhood where accusations abounded and affirmations were absent; where my bad behavior was magnified and my good behavior was not praised, but expected. The "naughty or nice" list with my name on it was flagrantly lopsided. 

The message I received--particularly from my father--was that I didn't deserve love. That didn't stop me from trying to prove that I did. But no matter how good I was, I was never good enough. 

To be completely honest, conditional love was so ingrained in me as a child that I still wrestle with thoughts that I don't quite measure up. I still fight the pervading sense that it's all about performance; that others' love for me is dependent on my being good; that it's not about who I am, but what I do.

This toxic mindset leaked into my spiritual life. For years, I saw my Heavenly Father the same way I experienced my dad—as someone I could never please; someone who looked and me and shook his head in disappointment; someone who was withholding his love for me until I "got it right."

Then, with help from a number of people who had similar experiences, God led to a wonderful, life-changing truth. I came to discover that the love my Heavenly Father has for me is not at all dependent on what I do. My Heavenly Father's love is unconditional. 

I was familiar with the term. I had heard way back in Sunday School that God loved His children unconditionally.  I had just never experienced that kind of love before. 

Once I began to grasp the concept that my Heavenly Father's love for me was without condition my spiritual life was transformed. I finally came to the thrilling realization that my Father’s love for me comes with no expectations. That there are no strings attached. That His love cannot possibly be earned. My Father doesn’t love me for what I have done. My Father loves me for who I am. I’m His child.

I remember cradling my beautiful new grandson after his parents brought him home from the hospital. And as I held him close and looked at that sweet face the love I had for him was so overwhelming it could not be expressed by mere words. I realized at that moment that I would do anything for him. And what exactly did he do to earn that kind of love? Absolutely nothing. At that point in his life, pretty much all he did was eat, sleep, and poop. I loved him not because of anything he did. I loved him because of who he was. He was my grandson.

That is a picture of our Heavenly Father's loves for us. He loves us simply because we're His kids. He loves us freely, fully, fiercely, and without condition. He doesn’t withhold His love until our good deeds outweigh the bad. He loves us even when we smell and need to be changed. He loves us so much there is nothing He wouldn’t do for us.

That is the kind of love our Father gives us. That is the kind of love our Father wants us to give others.