Brett and I had the same work schedule. That means we also had the same workout schedule. Several times a week we ran into each other at the health club.
 
We did the typical guy-talk thing. You know—news, weather, and sports. Nothing that would require too much vulnerability. We men don’t readily bare our souls with other men. Especially when we’re talking in a sauna wearing only towels.
 
But as Brett’s and my friendship continued to grow, our discussions began to involve more important matters. One morning, as we sat in the whirlpool after working out, I noticed that conversation wasn’t coming as easily as it usually did. Brett seemed preoccupied.
 
After several unsuccessful attempts to engage him in discussion, without even looking at me, he said, out of the blue and completely void of emotion, “My dad called me last night from California. He told me he was dying.”
 
I went into full-scale counselor mode. “Oh, no,” I said. “I am so sorry.”
 
I’ll never forget the look on his face when his eyes locked with mine as he said, “Don’t be. I hope it’s a long and painful death.”
 
Over the course of the next few weeks Brett doled out more and more of his gut-wrenching story. His dad walked out and him and his mom when Brett was just ten years old. He never saw his father again. The only tie between them were monthly child support checks received in the mail. There  were never “How are you?” notes included. There were no Christmas cards or birthday wishes. Not even a phone call. For almost two decades. Until his father's call to share his diagnosis.
 
If Brett’s father thought the news would evoke sympathy and compassion and would magically undo all the damage he had caused his son he was badly mistaken. The family tree had been uprooted, its branches splintered. In Brett’s eyes, his old man was dead wood.
 
Brett’s story is all-too-familiar in the world in which we live. Kids trying to make it through life void of love from the one who gave them life. For way too many people, the term good father is an oxymoron. And society is reaping the results.  

Allow me to explain what effective fathering entails.

A good father is someone who not only tells his kids he loves them, he shows it.

A good father is someone who is true to his word. 

A good father is someone whose love for his kids is not dependent on their behavior. 

A good father is someone to whom his children can always come for advice, for encouragement, or to simply listen. 

A good father is someone in whose presence his children always feel safe. 

A good father is someone who teaches his kids to be kind, to accept others, to be responsible, to forgive when they've been wronged, and to live each day to the fullest.

A good father is someone who wants what is best for his children, even if that means he sometimes has to say, "no." 

A good father is someone who beams with delight at the mere thought of his kids. 

Healing from our father wounds begins when we understand that we all have a Father like that. Every one of us. We have a Heavenly Father who thinks the world of us. Who seeks to fill the void left by earthly fathers who, for whatever reason, didn’t do their job. Who longs for us to find in Him what we didn’t get from our dads.
 
The sooner we discover Him, the sooner we will find the peace, hope, love, and healing we're looking for. 

"See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!"      ~1 John 3:1a, NLT 
​

To put to rest once and for all an old childhood adage, words can hurt us. Comedian Eric Idle (of Monty Python fame) once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.”
           
We are so careless with our words in our culture today. Daytime talk shows promote confrontation and humiliation as acceptable forms of communication. Today’s media is more bent on finding dirt than an obsessive-compulsive housewife with a Dustbuster. Today, young children and teens use electronic devices to send vicious messages about people they don’t like; messages for all the world to read, words that can never be taken back. 

“Words can never hurt me?”  Think again.

The Bible--God's love letter to us--speaks of the power of our words. Check out this jewel from the book of Proverbs: Pleasant words are like honey-- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body (Proverbs 16:24, NLT). Did you get that? Encouraging words are not only pleasant to our ears they are beneficial to us spiritually and physically.

Stop right now and think about the kindest, most encouraging thing anyone ever said to you. Got it? My guess is it didn’t take you very long. You can probably recall it word for word. That is because those words will forever be imprinted on your soul.

Self-help guru Dale Carnegie said, “Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them for a lifetime.” When someone pays us a compliment we often find ourselves walking on air for days. We get a lot of mileage out of encouraging words. They can lift and energize our spirits which is beneficial not only to us, but to those around us.

In addition to sweetening our souls a regular dose of encouraging words has lasting health benefits. Those trained in psychology know this to be true. There are various modes of therapy in today’s world that integrate the use of words to heal. Therapists have harnessed the power of words to motivate, inspire, and activate healing energies in people. It is a fact that our words connect with our memory systems and can trigger the release of either healing or destructive powers. Greek playwright Aeschylus once said, “Words are the physicians of a mind diseased.”

Another verse in the book of Proverbs speaks to the health benefits of encouragement: Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad (Proverbs 12:25, NKJV). Few things cause our hearts to be anxious and our spirits depressed like critical, condescending words, especially from people whom we look up to. Positive, uplifting words from those whose opinions we value can brighten our hearts and spirits. 

Here's a challenge for you. For the rest of the day, look for opportunities to speak words of encouragement to those around you.  Refrain from all negative talk. Compliment your spouse or server. Tell your kids what you love about them. Post only positive messages on Facebook. Your kind words may be just what the doctor ordered for someone today. Trust me. It's not that difficult. And the effects can be lifechanging. Perhaps Mother Theresa said it best, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are endless.”

(excerpts taken from When Father is a Bad Word, by Dan Kuiper)